Marriage is a sacred bond that brings two individuals together, promising love, companionship, and happiness. However, even the strongest marriages will experience periods of discontent and unhappiness. Understanding the key factors contributing to marital unhappiness is important for fostering healthy marriages and avoiding the “bad” times as much as possible. 

 In this article, we will explore six factors that can undermine marital bliss, offering valuable insights into the challenges couples may face and potential strategies for resolution.

Factors That Contribute to Unhappy Marriages

By recognizing the factors that can lead to unhappiness in marriage, couples can proactively address potential issues before they become significant sources of discontent. This recognition empowers individuals to take ownership of their relationship dynamics and actively seek solutions.

Lack of Effective Communication

Communication serves as the cornerstone of a thriving...

Dear Dr. Julie: My husband and I have been married for a while and it's starting to feel a bit boring. We are losing our spark. How can we fix this boring marriage?

--Losing Our Spark

Dear Losing Our Spark: Anything you do repeatedly is going to start to feel boring after a while. That's because it is no longer novel or fun, it is the same old thing over and over again. Who wants that?

To fix your boring marriage first talk with your husband about how you feel and get his perspective--does he think the marriage is boring? You need to know whether he feels the same way and what he thinks will help. 

Then think about what made the first years of your relationship fun and interesting. Did you go out and do things more often than you do now? How much time did you spend together versus apart from each other? Were you doing things he liked to do that you haven't done before? Who made the plans for going out? Has that shifted?

If you are caught up in parenting, work or life...

Dear Dr. Julie: My husband continually forgets things we have agreed on, has little motivation for doing household chores (but is totally happy to go do something impulsive that seems like fun for him), and can't seem to take my feelings into account before doing something he knows will upset me. I'm beginning to think he has ADHD. I've asked him about it but he dismisses my concerns. How do I talk with him about this? I need help. I'm starting to feel like our marriage might not last.

--Can't Take Much More

Dear Can't Take Much More: I get it! That would be incredibly frustrating. People with ADHD are a lot of fun to be around, but when the routines of life have to be attended to, it is difficult for many of them to stay focused and be supportive. 

Many people with ADHD have a history of knowing (sometimes unconsciously) that they are different and they feel a lot of shame around being different. It can be hard to admit they have a problem in this case.

He also might have a...

Dear Dr. Julie: I was in a bad marriage for 20 years and it seems to have taken it's toll on me. My ex-husband often made me responsible for anticipating his needs and making things easier for him. At the time I thought I was just a bad wife. But post-divorce (and a lot of therapy), I see that I wasn't responsible for his behavior. My problem is that I'm in a new relationship and sometimes I notice that I feel like I should be doing something to make my new partner feel better when he's upset. This happens especially when he's expressing his unhappiness or dissatisfaction about situations I'm not a part of. I know it's not my job to make him feel better but I get emotionally fixated on what I can do and I can't seem to calm down easily. What can I do?

--Wired this way now

Dear Wired this way now: That's an excellent description of being triggered. When we are repeatedly exposed to stressful situations like you described, the way we cope with it becomes embedded in our...

Dear Dr. Julie: My boss drives me crazy and when I get home from work I find that I take it out on my husband. I'm cranky with him and he doesn't deserve to be treated that way. What can I do?

--Unintentionally Cranky

Dear Unintentionally Cranky: I think we've all been in this situation! Our external circumstances can often cause us to feel bad in a way that is hard to shake off. While we'd like to be unaffected in the first place, the next best thing would be to quickly switch out of it so we don't take it out on our loved ones. But, it doesn't work that way.

The negative state generated by your boss (or any other disturbing situation) lives in your body--you can't just think your way out of it.

It takes work to let it go because you've gotten hooked or attached to your negative state. When you are hooked by a reaction, you think about it, talk about it, worry about it and in that process amplify it, making it a stronger physical presence in your mind and body. ...

Are you in a healthy, happy relationship? It can be hard to tell from day to day as we go through life. What may seem small and insignificant every other day could build up into a huge issue after some time – this is why it's so important to stay vigilant about your relationships and ensure they're on the right track! 

Relationships are a crucial part of human life. Whether it's a romantic relationship, family relationship, or even friendship, our relationship quality can enormously impact our well-being and overall happiness. But what makes a healthy relationship? How do you know whether your current relationships meet your needs, provide support, and encourage you to reach your goals?

This blog post will dive into the key elements of a healthy connection and explore how to nurture stronger positive relationships in all aspects of life.

What Makes a Relationship Healthy?

Communication

One of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship is communication. Couples...

When it comes to relationships, there's no one-size-fits-all advice that applies to everyone. But when deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship, it can be helpful to consider what makes up a healthy union. Navigating love and commitment isn't always easy — but understanding the components of an emotionally and physically reflective and supportive relationship is key for both parties to experience joy, contentment, and satisfaction over time.

Having a healthy, functional relationship may seem elusive to some. For example, suppose you grew up around less-than-ideal relationships. In that case, it can be easy to overlook unhealthy daily patterns and not realize the baseline of a good bond between people in love. But here's the thing — there are certain must-haves for others to experience bliss rather than pain! These characteristics should never go neglected or unaddressed. If something feels off balance within your connection, address it. So, take note –...

Hi Dr. Julie, My husband has ADHD and I try very hard not to parent him when he doesn’t complete a task or completes it so quickly that he isn’t thorough. I often will go back and complete it myself, but then I feel resentful.

I have committed to not nagging him about these things as it doesn’t feel good to either of us. I’m his wife, not his mother and I would like to have an adult relationship with him, not a parent/child relationship as often happens. How would you advise me to approach him without nagging or criticizing?

--Looking For A Better Way

Dear Looking, ADHD is a tough one because the individual usually means well, but isn't organized enough or tracking details well-enough to follow-through. In cases like this, you are right nagging doesn't work and you want to avoid feeling resentful.

Two things.

First, I recommend that the two of you talk about the ways ADHD is showing up in your relationship and chart the pattern so that you both are...

Dear Dr. Julie: My husband and I have been married for about 15 years and I'm getting tired of how he treats me. He gets angry with me because I "touch his nerve." But I don't always know what that "nerve" is. I have noticed he gets upset with me if I get anxious about something he is doing, like how he drives, but otherwise, I can't tell what will set him off. Do you have any thoughts on what might be going on and what I can do?

--At A Loss

P.S. When I ask him about it he says that we've been married long enough that I should know.

P.P.S. I'm so tired of this I'm considering divorce. I don't want to divorce him, but I'm tired of how unfriendly and mean he is towards me.

Dear At A Loss: I think if you had some idea of what was going on, that would help. Let me take a guess at what might be happening.

In order to figure this out we need to observe patterns. You've made one important observation of a pattern: he gets upset with you when you are anxious about...