From Roommates to Lovers: How Play Rekindles Connection

Remember when you first met someone and you felt that spark? The two of you would find ways to spend time together, and it was FUN.

If you stayed in the relationship, however, the fun slowly faded. Even in a secure relationship, too much routine can make a long-term relationship feel boring, almost like you’re living as roommates instead of partners. 

If that's happened to you—or if you'd like to keep it from happening—the key is to add play and fun to the security and routine. 

There are several ways playing with your partner will help keep the fun alive in your relationship:

1. Play interrupts the monotony of chores and routine

Our brains crave novelty, which is why adding new and exciting experiences to your relationship helps keep it fresh and engaging. Even if you don't like surprises, your brain would still like something new and interesting occasionally—a different hike, a different book, a different restaurant.

While routines make us feel secure, that same routine gets boring after a while and we need a little novelty to break it up.

2. Playing with your partner increases emotional safety and bonding

When you play with your partner, you let your guard down a little. You laugh together or are both surprised by something you can share with each other. Play creates small moments of connection that strengthen emotional intimacy and help hold a relationship together over time. Think of the inside joke only the two of you share—it's intimate, fun, and just between the two of you, making both of you feel connected and special.

3. Play reduces stress and conflict

Who wants to only focus on kids and chores and bills? It's enough to drive anyone a little nuts. Getting a break from the stressful issues and conflicts can make them a little more bearable. Lightheartedness is a great way to diffuse tension and give you a break. When you get back to your routine, it's a little more doable. And sharing lightheartedness reminds the two of you that you are on the same team.

4. Play can happen in simple moments

Being playful with your partner doesn't require an elaborate date night or trip away from home. The two of you can find times in your daily lives to play. Be a little silly with each other, send a naughty text, play a game, eat out on the deck instead of in front of the television, or cook something different or elaborate together. Make it different and enjoyable and it will shift the energy between the two of you.

We all need routine to make our lives run smoothly, but we all need novelty, too. Turn your partner back into your teammate and friend by playing a little. Make it fun and get the spark back that you've been missing.

Need some ideas for rekindling a boring relationship? Join the 28-Day Rekindle Your Relationship Challenge. You'll get one email a day each with an idea for what you can do to add that little spark back into your relationship.