The one thing that can break the ice after a fight

Have you ever been arguing with your partner or family member and realized you didn’t want to be fighting? You wanted to stop but you didn’t know how to get your point across without continuing the fight?

We’ve all be there and it feels like being caught in quicksand. The more you talk, the worse it gets.

Instead of talking, find the right moment and give your partner or family member a hug.*

 First, find the right moment.

This is important because if the argument is currently happening, your partner isn’t going to be receptive to a hug. But later, after things have cooled off, go up to your partner and ask for a hug. No reference to the early disagreement, no explanation. Just ask for a hug.

As a matter of fact, I recommend hugging your partner (and other family members) multiple times per day.

The magic of a hug lies in the neurochemistry that happens when you hug someone. Both people in a hug release oxytocin, a neurochemical responsible for bonding. Oxytocin makes us feel pleasure and safety and bonds us to each other just a little bit.

It helps to break down the walls we put up.

 I recommend 3 to 6 solid, genuine hugs per day as a means of creating safety and pleasure between you and your partner. Give it a try and see how good you both feel.

*I hope I don’t need to say this, but in the age of social distancing, hug those people in your COVID pod, not strangers or people you aren’t quarantined with. This hugging is better left until after the quarantine is lifted.


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