My husband and I have different love languages. Is our marriage doomed?

My husband and I have different love languages. Is our marriage doomed?

Dear Dr. Julie: My husband and I have been married just over 5 years and we are fighting a lot lately. I recently read about love languages and it seems that we have incompatible love languages. I love words of affirmation and he's all about acts of service. It's not that I don't appreciate what he does for me, but I don't feel like he loves me because he doesn't tell me. I'm worried that our incompatible love languages will mean that our marriage is doomed. Can we make this work if we don't speak each other's love language? 

--Interpreter Needed

Dear Interpreter Needed: Yes, you can make your marriage work and it is not automatically doomed because you two speak different love languages. Make sure you honor his love language by appreciating what he does for you. Then ask him to honor yours.

Here's one way to do that. Get clear on what you want to hear first. Then say to him, "I need your help. I know you love me because of all the things you do to help out around the house. I'd also love to hear how much you like my cooking (for example). Can you do that for me?" Be specific in your request and make it small. He'll be better able to hear you and feel less ambushed or criticized. Once he answers, let it go unless he wants to talk more. 


Interested in deepening emotional intimacy with your partner? Download my 36 Questions For Increasing Closeness. The questions start with topics to break the ice and get to more intimate topics as you work your way through them. Today Aron's 36 questions are used in an effort to increase emotional intimacy between people. Get together with your partner and see what they do for you! 

Do you have a question for Dr. Julie? Submit your question here. If your question is answered, it will appear in Dr. Julie's weekly newsletter and her blog.


Get free relationship resources

Subscribe to my mailing list and receive FREE resources, the latest offers, relationship advice, and more!