How to Know if You Are Selfish: 5 Signs You're Selfish and 5 Signs You're Not

emotional health people pleasing people-pleasers Jun 26, 2024
How to Know if You Are Selfish


When it comes to relationships, there's often a tricky balance - taking care of your needs versus being there for your partner. How much self-care is too much? At what point does it cross into selfishness that could harm the relationship?

Why Selfishness Hurts Relationships

Selfish behavior can severely damage the foundation of trust, respect, and care relationships need to thrive. When one partner consistently prioritizes their wants over their partner's needs, it breeds resentment. Neglecting responsibilities, manipulating for personal gain, and disregarding the other's feelings/well-being erodes the vital sense of being a team.

5 Signs You May Be Too Selfish

  1. The decisions you make almost always favor you over others
  2. Other people's feelings aren't important when deciding
  3. You neglect responsibilities to others at their expense
  4. You manipulate or deceive others for personal gain
  5. You justify your way is best, whether others agree or not

Why Self-Care Is Vital

On the flip side, practicing healthy self-care is crucial - it's the opposite of selfishness. Self-care prevents burnout and resentment, allowing you to show up fully for your relationship. When your needs are met, you have more energy and patience to give freely to your partner.

5 Signs of Healthy Self-Care

  1. You give without expectation and receive gracefully
  2. You take care of yourself in positive, rejuvenating ways
  3. You are generous/kind from a place of abundance, no obligation
  4. You can say no to protect your needs/avoid overextending
  5. You communicate openly about needs/boundaries

Are you wondering if you've been unknowingly selfish? Take an honest look at your recent actions. As someone self-aware, use your critical thinking skills to evaluate if any signs of selfishness are present. Remember, you get to decide - not someone who may be biased.

The Balancing Act

Of course, finding the right work-self-relationship balance is an ongoing practice, especially for those who tend to be people-pleasers. Putting others first can make it easy to neglect self-care and worry about any "me" time being selfish.

Open communication and check-ins are key. Discuss needs, boundaries, and how to truly support each other's well-being. It's about mutual understanding and compromise.

In this video, I explore the fine line between selfishness and self-care. I'll identify signs of selfish behavior versus healthy self-care practices and offer tips on how you can find the right balance between prioritizing your own needs and considering others' needs for maintaining healthy relationships. Plus, I have a free guide on confident communication to help you express your needs assertively while being mindful of others. Tune in for my insights on prioritizing self-care without being selfish.

To help navigate this, I've also created a free "Saying It Right" guide on confident communication. Having those open, honest conversations gets easier with practice.

Remember, self-care isn't selfish. It allows you to care for your partner from a place of abundance, not resentment. It's a vital part of keeping your relationship healthy and fulfilling. 

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