Feeling lonely in a relationship
Addressing old wounds that still affect you
Deciding whether or how to leave a relationship
Improving communication with your partner
Asking for (and getting) your needs met
Overcoming fear and rejection
Recovering from failure
Finding your authentic voice
Controlling your emotional reactions
Getting over heartbreak
Figuring out what you want in another partner
Avoiding repeating the same relationship mistakes
Feeling too old or marginalized for another relationship
Repairing communication with your ex
My coaching is very personal and I create individualize coaching packages to fit you, your schedule, and your way of doing things.
I also offer a couple of add-on services to help with being overwhelmed, stressed, distracted, and unmotivated.
The biggest difference is the focus of the work. From my experience, the work of the therapist is to fix pathology or disease. The work of a coach is to support a person in personal development.
Therapists are medical professionals licensed to treat mental health illness as a medical disease. If you have clinical depression, bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc., go see a therapist. They have theories about those disorders and know which treatments work. They will diagnose you with a disorder and bill your insurance company for your treatment (assuming you have insurance that covers mental health).
Coaches, on the other hand, focus on helping people maximize productivity, meet their goals, and work with others, not on treating mental health disorders. They won’t give you a diagnosis and they won’t be able to bill your insurance company because the focus of their work is not medically necessary.
There are many factors that a person should consider when deciding who to work with.
These factors include:
1. Does the coach focus on what I need help with?
2. How will my life be better if coaching helps?
3. Will the improvement be worth the cost?
4. Do I like the person and feel they have my best interest at heart?
This last question is possibly the most important one. You need to be able to trust the coach in order to listen when they need to tell you something that is difficult to hear.
No. Health insurance pays for medically necessary treatment. Coaches are not licensed to treat mental health disorders and therefore cannot bill insurance.
That depends on how much you are willing to confront your unhelpful patterns and implement changes. The more you are willing to step outside your comfort zone and try new things, even if you are skeptical of their value, the faster you will learn and change. It does take time though. Sometimes identifying unhelpful patterns isn’t easy, but working with a coach who has a track record of helping people makes the process faster.
If you could figure out how to make changes in your life to achieve your dreams, you’d be doing what needs to be done. Have you ever noticed that it’s hard to see your own patterns. This is where a good coach comes in. A coach can help you identify hidden behavior patterns and limiting beliefs that are likely holding you back. It’s these hidden elements that are hard to see except from the outside. A good coach will challenge you to make changes to what you are doing and how you are thinking. After all, if what you are doing is working, then why would you need a coach?
I recommend a TED Talk by Atul Gawande titled “Want to Get Great at Something? Get a Coach.” You can access it here. Everyone could benefit from an objective person who will give honest feedback. Even, if you think you have your life all figured out, like Atul did before he hired a coach, you could benefit.
Most people do not fully appreciate the value of coaching until they try it, making it hard to justify the time and money commit it requires. Usually the question of how many sessions it will take is trying to answer two questions: “How much is coaching going to cost?” and “How long will it take to solve my problem?” We all want quick fixes that happen at minimal cost.
Coaching is a funny thing. It takes a while and seems expensive, but it is usually much cheaper and easier than trying to figure things out on your own. You are smart and if the answer to your problem were simple and easy you would have already figured it out and solved it yourself.
I usually recommend clients assume coaching will last at least 3 months. Most people find coaching to be helpful and decide to continue beyond 3 months. However, the number of sessions you need to address your issue is dependent in large part on how difficult it is to implement changes in your life.
Therapy and counseling are focused on diagnosing and treating mental health issues, while coaching is focused on achieving goals. Also, therapists have to have a certain level of education and be licensed in the state(s) they practice, whereas coaches do not have these requirements and the coaching industry is generally unregulated.
That’s the great thing about working with me. I have a doctorate degree in clinical psychology and have been licensed to practice as a therapist in Oregon for over 15 years. This means I bring all the skills of a highly educated and seasoned therapist to our coaching sessions. If you are a coaching client, I won’t treat a mental health disorder, but I can recognize a mental health disorder and suggest treatment.
I work with people individually, so your partner would not need to participate in your coaching. Sometimes clients have things they want to say to their partners and feel it would work better to have me involved in the conversation. In those instances, you and I can make an arrangement for your partner to attend. If we do that, I would not become your partner’s coach and I would not continue to see you and your partner together for more than a session or two.
Yes. I won’t share that you and I spoke unless you give me permission to do so.
Yes. Coaching for relationship issues is about helping you figure out how to do things differently. Learning skills and practicing those skills can be done over phone or video. Then it’s up to you to practice what you’ve learned.